Wednesday, 25 September 2013

I'm still here

Last night was one of the worst nights I can remember. I mean, most nights are pretty bad, regarding my depression. Mental illness is kind of an asshole like that.

But this was beyond what I'm used to. Last night was excruciating. I don't think I've ever hated being alive that much. I don't know if I've ever hated everything and everyone in the world with as much absolution as yesterday. I've always struggled under a sense of purposelessness, but this was worse than the last four years of self-loathing combined.

Today was nowhere near as awful. Yesterday was a fucking emergency, and I'm not going so far as to say I'm "better". I don't want to worry anyone, but I also don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. I'm not okay, I'm not out of the woods. But I've got a better sense of where I am now than yesterday.

Being in a constant state of tremendous emotional pain is normal for me. I don't know if there's any way to get better, but I'm not giving up yet. I'm still here. I'll survive.

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Hiroshi Yamauchi, Dead At 85

Talk about your end of an era. This is the guy who was a part of Nintendo when it was mostly about trading cards and taxi services. This guy was there when they had to rewrite Popeye arcade machines to have original characters(who you may have heard of). The man who, as the old legend goes, had the foresight to see that a factory employee making toys on work hours would be one of his company's more valuable assets(Gunpei Yokoi). He oversaw the greatest Japanese video game developer during it's best and worst days.

The last major console he was involved in was the Gamecube. That's a risk-taker if I ever heard one. We could use a few more Yamauchi's in this medium and a lot fewer Koticks. It's a shame he's gone.



Friday, 6 September 2013

PAX, MLP & My Beliefs

I gave up My Little Pony in 2012. It became apparent the show felt the handicapped were either mistakes that needed to be fixed/ignored, or the butt of tasteless jokes. I swore off being a brony. It hurt my soul to do it, because the show brought so much happiness into my life. But some things are more important than my happiness. You can’t stand by cruelty, just because it’s not aimed at you.

The show has only gotten more popular. Nobody else gave it up. Everyone I’ve ever talked to feels the same way about it. I’ve never heard anyone justify the behaviour of Hasbro, The Hub or show runner Jason Thiessen. It’s always: “Yeah, it sucks. It’s totally discriminatory and unfair, but what are you gonna do?” 

They say it as if they’re powerless. They justify it by saying that it still makes them happy. That it did a lot of good for them, so it’s okay. That the good it brings to their individual lives somehow outweighs the evil it brought down on an entire group of people.

The testimony of weak people does not impress me. This is also my problem with organized religion. If something you believe in does something monstrous, that doesn’t go away because it gave you a purpose. “So what if the Catholic Church molests children and then defends the attackers? It gets me out of the house, so that makes me a goody good-good!”

If you have to look the other way, you’re not in the presence of something good.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Lost Amongst Our Winnings

Last week, over the course of four days I watched all eight of the Harry Potter movies. 1-2 on Tuesday, 3-4 on Wednesday, 5-6-7 on Thursday and 8 on Friday. I’m not sure what compelled me to watch them. I guess I’d have to eventually.

I can’t remember a time where I’ve been this unhappy with my life. The last four years have been excruciating, and it’s somehow inexplicably gotten worse every day. I am long past the point where I don’t see it getting better, or manageable. I know it’s only going to get worse. Lately I’m starting to think it wouldn’t be so bad if it all just… stopped. While I don’t have any plans to kill myself, I’ve thought about it a lot more in 2013 than I ever have.

Monday, 2 September 2013

"Halo 4" Review

by Alex Hill


Halo 4 is not the worst video game. It is the worst TYPE of game. An unbearable, spineless endeavour that can't even be bothered to be obscene. A design-by-committee Frankenstein's monster of cribbed video game fads, and franchise-destroying change for its' own sake. Not even Halo: Reach struggled to reconcile what its' audience needed from the most basic controller input. This is a travesty even for the people who made Windows.