Sunday, 12 November 2017

It's Okay If It's Not Okay

I said some of this stuff on twitter, and I'll say it here too:


The death of a friendship is emotionally and psychologically-devastating. It almost makes me glad that I'm incapable of making/maintaining those kinds of bonds with people. Making real human connections is so terrifying, precisely because of how easy it is to sever them.

I thought I would never get to talk to or see my favourite person again. I got a chance to reconnect. I'm grateful for that, and I take it seriously to sustain that connection. But until then, I lived in a hell of unknowing. For 12 years, I was stuck in the pit I dug for myself. Because I did some stupid shit in high school and I never forgave myself.

And that's platonic! I don't think I could survive losing something even more important than that! I am emotionally unequipped to deal with the fallout from a failed romantic or sexual relationship.


A lot of people in entertainment are being held accountable for their sins. A lot of them have done more for this world than I have. If they could fall so low, what chance do I have?





Sunday, 8 October 2017

Conductor Of The Pity Parade

I grew up thinking I could be famous or important. A celebrity. A scientist. A great thinker or provider. A father or husband.


Time went on, and I realized I don't have what it takes. So I decided to aim lower:


Maybe I could be a writer? Or a critic. Maybe I could be a boyfriend on the side. Or maybe that would take priority, and the writing and stuff would be the hobby. At times I wanted to be a comic author, or an artist, or both. I spent years doing those things, and it turns out I wasn't cut out for those either.


I'm 30 now, and I'm not anything really. I barely qualify as an adult. I'm not employed, I'm not in school, I have no friends, no ambitions and no dreams. I'll always be a virgin. I'll never get to have a relationship or start a family. I don't think I have the stamina to hold down a blue-collar job either.

I'll never be somebody.


I thought I was funny. I thought I was smart and helpful and good, and the last 30 years have demonstrated how completely false all of that is.


I don't get to be any of the things I wanted to be. I don't get to be useful. I'm just another nameless cog in a machine that will keep running long after I'm dead.


I have nothing of value to offer the world, and that's why I'm alone. I'm not even interesting enough to have addictions. I'm just another boring, mediocre white guy.

Tuesday, 22 August 2017

The Game Grumps Are Racist

I believe Arin Hanson and Leigh Avidan are racists, and "Game Grumps" as a brand should not enjoy the preferential treatment the internet has given to them. Other Youtubers(former host Jontron, and Pewdiepie) have faced backlash for sentiments and "jokes" bordering on senility, but that shit never seems to stick here.

But before we get into examples/receipts and all that, we do have to ask an important question:


Monday, 14 August 2017

Here's Not Here

I'm working on a masterpost of awful shit the Game Grumps have said and done, although right now that pales compared to some much darker shit that's happened lately.

I tend to have more to say about less important topics, like video games that I think are bad and smelly and dumb, so this will not dwarf that article. The important shit often leaves me at a loss for words. But I'll do what I can here.


One of the more profoundly upsetting things I've seen in the aftermath are people on social media claiming that any violence, even against the worst people, is exactly the same as terrorism.

I understand pacifism. I am deeply upset by even the suggestion of violence(which is a far cry from the gorey movies I enjoyed as a kid). But not everyone shares my feelings on that. In fact, a common tactic of fascists is to paint retaliation as morally bankrupt, even if it's in direct response to their own violence.

To that I say: BULLSHIT.


Abhorring violence in concept does not make it go away in reality. You can, in fact, fight monsters without becoming one yourself.

Just a friendly reminder, in case any of you were shedding a tear over white supremacists getting maced(but not the people they ran over, or the lady they murdered).


END OF LINE

~A.H.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Get Out

I wasn’t immediately sold on “Get Out” as a horror movie, but that was based on a misguided definition of what a horror movie IS.

It is not necessarily always a movie that spooks you and you go “AH!!” involuntarily.

Horror can also be something that knocks you off-balance, that shakes your understanding of the world. And even long after the movie is over and even if you feel safe, you can still feel something rattling inside you.


In that sense, Get Out is one of the greats.


END OF LINE

~A.H.

Friday, 28 July 2017

Dark Souls 3: No Deaths Run FINALE

Welp, I beat Dark Souls 3 without dying. It took just under 40 hours in the one playthrough, and about a bazillion failed playthroughs where I would start a new game any time I died.

The only rules were to beat every boss in the game without dying. It wasn't about getting 100% of all of the items and secrets, and it was not a speed-run. It was just to see if I could do it.

Here's footage of the last boss fight in this run. Obviously there are late-game spoilers:







Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Transformers: The Last Supper

A dinner date with Michael Bay:

The main course is a tiny nibble of broccoli. After that comes dessert. Four hours of him stuffing his face with pastries and chocolate bars. Just a swath of culinary destruction, chunks flying in every direction. In little flashes between consuming entire worlds, he actually says some interesting things that make you wish he would calm down, chew and elaborate. Or at least savor the meal, instead of becoming a black hole from which no sugar can escape.


You look at your watch, and 3 hours have passed. You check your watch again, and you've aged 50 years. Time gives up in his presence. You check your watch a third time, and it's only been five minutes since he said something vaguely racist.


After ogling the waitresses' breasts for a terrifying amount of time, he washes it all down by chugging Mountain Dew and Bud Light until he barfs.


So umm... "Transformers: The Last Knight" is a movie.


END OF LINE

~A.H.