Tuesday, 12 June 2012

FFV: Four Job Fiesta Pt. 1

-It is childish and beating a dead horse to make fun of the translation from a 90's video game. That said, anyone dumb enough to look at "Bat-su" in Japanese and think: "They must be saying BUTTS, LET'S MAKE THAT THE NAME OF THE MAIN CHARACTER" deserves to be made fun of. (I like how even the Wikipedia contradicts itself in the very next paragraph.)

With that out of the way, hee-hee. "Nut Eaters".

And there's two of them!

Alright, moving on.

-So I did the boring intro stuff, and who cares. This is not The Great Gatsby here.

...Why are they making a movie about that, by the way? Why is that a thing? What, were they itching to get in on some of that sweet cash that "Bonfire of the Vanities" and "Atlas Shrugged" DIDN'T make at the box-office?

Oh, right. Final Fantasy V.

-So yeah, I followed my rules, randomly decided their first jobs, and I got what you see above in the screenshots.

Bartz = Black Mage
Reina = Monk
Galuf = Knight
Faris = Blue Mage

Kind of an odd profession in a world without cars.

Faris is the only liability at this rate, since there's not really a lot(if any) spells a Blue Mage can learn at this rate, and also I forget how to get Blue Magic in this game. Something about being hit by enemies? And she can't even use healing magic yet either. But at least she can carry a sword.

-I like how the innocent, weak Princessy type ended up as the heavy-hitting martial-artist of the team. Her fists do more damage than the most expensive sword I can find at the time. Say what you will, at least she's not afraid to break a nail.

-The time comes to reveal that Faris is a woman pretending to be a man. They find out when, after they have to proceed through sunken ships to get to a safe zone, they have to dry their clothes by a fire. Because they think Faris is a man, she doesn't go with Reina into what would be the ladies locker room. Modesty dictates it and all.

But before they go into the water, Faris is the one who stops the group and says: "We'll get wet." I always thought that was just needless cautionary exposition, the kind that always pops up when you're about to do a thing. Now I see that it's there to show that Faris knows what will happen. She knows they'll have to dry off their clothes by a fire if they go swimming, and that will blow her cover.

Okay, one more.
Also, in the fan-translation, Faris' excuse for pretending to be a boy is that "a female pirate would be laughed at". Pirates of the Caribean 3 did not dispel this notion. But I forget if it was a separate fan-translation, or the updated GBA localization, but I vaguely recall the reason being changed at some point, to its more logical conclusion: A woman on a boat with a bunch of rowdy pirates would uh... not end well. Not that Faris wouldn't kick their asses, but still. Better to be on the safe side.


-I also thought, in a game that's known for being badly written even by early 90's standards, that it was clever how they handled the scene with the Siren. There you are in the ship graveyard in the sea, and the Siren lures three of your party members under her control. She does this by tricking them into thinking their loves ones are beckoning them. The only one who doesn't fall under this spell is Galuf.

Not because the trick didn't work. The Siren somehow knew who his grand-daughter was and what she looked like. The only reason it didn't work was because Galuf didn't know. Because he had amnesia. The Siren knew that this girl was important to him, but to Galuf, it was just some stranger in a bad magic trick.

It's one of the few clever uses of the amnesia trope I've seen. The rest of the game is not this clever.

-Aww, poor Syldra and your hilarious "do-want" snake-face... It's amazing how much the right music can sell an otherwise dopey story... It's too bad that moment is ruined as soon as the upbeat overworld theme kicks in again.

"Aww, someone died and they're sad... CUE THE HAPPY MUSIC! =D"



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