==========
FADE IN
INT. VICKY’S BEDROOM -AFTERNOON
CLOSE UP
Polly the frisky ghost girl is speaking, but she is at an odd
angle in the frame.
POLLY
(Playful)
Oh no, I’m stuck! I sure hope no
one has their way with me while I’m
powerless to resist!
ANGLE ON
Polly underneath the table in the centre of Vicky’s
bedroom, hoping to re-enact a recent trend in pornography.
Vicky, Oz and Brian are also there doing homework. They are
all fully-clothed.
VICKY
Polly, you’re a ghost, you can go
through solid walls. You’re the
least “stuck” of anyone.
Polly's starts kicking her legs poking out from under the table.
POLLY
UGH, come on! This is so boring!
Someone at least smack my butt
or something.
Brian (who, like everyone else is fully clothed) looks to Oz.
BRIAN
You heard the lady.
Oz panics, and his hand moves near and away Polly repeatedly,
uncertain of whether to risk it all.
OZ
(flustered)
I- uh but uh, uhhhh, buh-
POLLY
Aww forget it.
Polly phases up through the table, sending papers and
writing utensils off. She adjusts her white tank-top.
VICKY
Hey, you wanted help with your
History homework.
POLLY
I didn’t think I’d be involved! I
thought you’d do it for me and I
could go inject stuff into my
eyeballs!
OZ
How do you do that? Wouldn’t the
needle go through your form, like
the table just did?
POLLY
I can put anything on me I want! Or
in me. And I do!
VICKY
It’s too bad Amira isn’t here.
She’d take you up on that offer.
POLLY
I know! But she just had to go and
be in critical condition.
CUT TO
INT. AMIRA’S HOSPITAL ROOM -AFTERNOON
Amira in a hospital bed while a nurse is adjusting a machine
she is hooked up to. She is being very critical of everything.
AMIRA
You’re not doing that right. And
your haircut sucks.
CUT TO
INT. VICKY’S BEDROOM -AFTERNOON
POLLY
Why are you even here? I thought I
gave my homework to Oz.
VICKY
It’ll go faster if we all work on
it together.
BRIAN
That’s a nice way of saying Oz
panicked and begged us for help.
OZ
If I do your assignment AND mine,
they’d know the same person wrote
both!
POLLY
Not if you just put a couple of the
answers different on each!
OZ
Ooh, you know what,
that IS smart.
BRIAN
If you’re smart enough to know how
to cheat, what do you need us for?
POLLY
Well Green, what’s smarter: doing
the work yourself like a chump, or
getting other people to do it for
you?
Polly leans back and lowers her sunglasses down so
they cover her eyes.
VICKY
Speaking of doing stuff, I hope you
remember to hold up your end of our
bargain.
POLLY
Relax Vicky, I didn’t forget! I’ll
get you that weapons-grade
plutonium!
OZ
Dates for prom.
POLLY
…Huh?
VICKY
You said you’d help us get dates
for the prom.
POLLY
Oh… OH! Hey real quick, I gotta
call someone about something
unrelated.
Polly floats offscreen while calling someone on her phone.
POLLY
Heeeey, Faraj! Buddy! How’s the
whole “Uprising” treating ya?
Oz leans in toward the table to whisper something.
OZ
(Whispers)
Vicky, are you sure about this?
VICKY
(Whispers)
Hey, she may be… A lot. But she’s
giving us a chance.
BRIAN
(Whispers)
On the bright side, she’s showing
us a lot too.
VICKY
(Whispers)
Alright, alright, don’t be rude.
Polly floats back into the scene.
POLLY
Welp, so much for that country’s
nuclear program. Good news though:
I’ve proven I can set up horrible
people with each other without even
trying. So there’s hope for you!
VICKY
That’s great, Polly!
BRIAN
Alright then, what tips have you
got for us?
OZ
Yeah, how do we convince hot people
to go out with us?
Polly thinks carefully. Rubs her chin with her hand.
POLLY
…Have you tried smacking their
butts?
They do not respond in the affirmative.
POLLY
Well, I’m all out of ideas.
INTRO
The song "Beat The Love" by Autoheart plays over the
intro. I don't have any ideas, just imagine a really
iconic, memorable opening for a show that will
get parodied years later.
TITLE CARD
"Baby Steps"
Read more below the break:
==========
ACT 1
EXT. SPOOKY HIGH -MORNING
CUT TO
Vicky in class sitting several rows behind Scott Howl,
the hairy captain of the football team. Resting her cheek
in her hand, she is thinking about how to get his attention.
He is most likely thinking about pasta.
VICKY(V.O.)
(thinking)
How do I get Scott to notice me? I
talked to him earlier and it’s like
I didn’t exist. I guess I could try
dressing up as a football-
TEACHER(V.O.)
Ms. Schmidt!
VICKY
GUH! I-yes?
Startled into sitting up straight, she is called on by the
teacher to answer a question and she is unprepared for
the answer.
TEACHER
We’re all waiting on your response.
VICKY(V.O.)
(thinking)
Crap, I didn’t hear the question!
Quick, think: What would my friends
do?
CLOSE UP
Vicky is surrounded by darkness, and we see small versions of
Oz, Amira and Brian around her, giving her advice she thinks
they would provide if they were near her.
It's similar to the trope of a little angel and little devil on
someone's shoulders trying to give them advice.
OZ(IMAGINARY)
Tell him you can’t answer that
question because it’s... against your
religion?
BRIAN(IMAGINARY)
Just say a bunch of numbers, one of
'em is bound to be right.
AMIRA(IMAGINARY)
Have you tried… Bees?
CUT TO
(The following is almost verbatim from the Monster Prom
video game):
Vicky unhinges her jaw and bees pour out. The bees
immediately start pestering the teacher.
TEACHER
AGH!! NO! You’re supposed to answer
with words, not bees!
Liam the hipster vampire refutes this claim.
LIAM
You didn’t specify that. Bees seems
like a perfectly legitimate answer
to me.
PAN LEFT
Polly, in her seat, slams her fist on it.
POLLY
Aww, I was gonna answer with bees!
Her frustration is replaced with intense glee.
POLLY
WAIT, I got a better answer!
CUT TO
A nearly identical shot as before with Vicky and bees, but
now it is Polly unhinging her jaw and locusts pour out.
The two insect hordes drive the teacher out of the classroom
screaming. The entire class is unsure of what to do from
there on out.
BEAT
Scott raises his hand.
SCOTT
Will this be on the test?
CUT TO
INT. SPOOKY HIGH, VICKY’S LOCKER -DAY
Vicky pulls something out of her locker. When she shuts the
door of her locker again, a swarm of bats has formed into
Liam standing next to her. She is startled by this and
assumes a stance she assumes is a karate stance. This also
startles Liam.
LIAM
Nice one with the bees.
VICKY
(startled noise)
LIAM
(startled noise but it’s
Liam)
VICKY
Oh, Liam. Yeah.
LIAM
So… How about those recent
events?
VICKY
Are you… Attempting small talk?
Liam adjusts his rectangular glasses.
LIAM
Hahahahaha, yes, that weather sure
happened. Say, I heard from a
little birdie that you and your…
Associates are willing to do our
school-work for favours.
VICKY
You heard that from us.
LIAM
Nooooo.
VICKY
We were all there talking to Polly about it.
You were hiding in the bushes, that’s how
you found out about it.
LIAM
I am 70% sure you are incorrect,
but I forgive you.
VICKY
Well, Polly’s helping us with that.
LIAM
Is she, though? Has she actually
contributed to your goals in a
meaningful way?
VICKY
Well… I mean, it’s only been a
couple of days, but she’s…
Twerked a lot.
LIAM
Look, we are all fans of Polly and
her… Antics. But she’s not very
focused, and she has no discipline.
If she did, she wouldn’t need
someone else to do her homework.
VICKY
So what’s your excuse? Are you
having academic troubles?
LIAM
Yes, the trouble is that it’s a
waste of my time. I’m an Artiste,
with an “E” at the end. I have more
important endeavors to focus on
than these insipid popped quizzes!
VICKY
You’re undead. You have all the
time in the world, what would you
rather be doing with it?
Liam holds onto his suspenders while he brags. Eyes closed.
LIAM
If you must know, I am trying to
create the beige-est and brown-est
Instagram filter.
VICKY
Well, good luck with that.
Vicky starts to leave for her next class.
LIAM
And good luck to you on courting
Scott!
Vicky stops in her tracks. The beginnings of a
smile form on Liam’s face. Vicky starts to turn around.
VICKY
...What would an -Artiste- have to
offer?
Liam places his hand on his white dress shirt.
LIAM
I am not just one of this country’s
greatest artistic visionaries: I’m
a trend-setter. I set trends so
hard and so good people don’t even
know they’re trends until they’re
outdated and over.
VICKY
That’s not what a trend is.
LIAM
It is to Scott. I convinced him
that pogs are still a thing. Do you
remember pogs?
VICKY
I remember “pog-champs”?
LIAM
Scott Howl is a trusting man. He
trusts me with knowing what’s cool
at any given time. I could tell him
the next big thing is… Taking
blue undead girls to prom.
VICKY
…I don’t know. I’m willing to do
a lot to get his attention, but
maybe deceiving him seems mean.
LIAM
Yeah? And how has sincerity been
working out for you?
CUT TO
FLASHBACK
EXT. SPOOKY HIGH FOOTBALL FIELD -NIGHT
Vicky in the stands at a sports game, watching Scott Howl
play football. She is waving a sign saying “Go to Prom with
me, Scott!!”, while also yelling this. No one else in the
stands are making any noise, so she is clearly audible.
VICKY
Go to prom with me, Scott!!
The scoreboard has a custom pixel graphic animation of Vicky
and Scott’s faces and a heart between them, followed by “Plz
Go 2 Prm Wth Me!! <3 <3 <3”.
A nearby blimp is showering the football field with fliers.
Scott picks up one of the fliers and reads it. It has a
flattering picture of Vicky on it. She has a rose being
held in her mouth sideways via her teeth.
SCOTT
"Why Vicky Schmidt is the perfect
choice for Scott Howl to take to
prom. Yes, THAT Scott Howl. The one
on Spooky High’s football team as
these fliers are being dropped
during the big game.“
Scott is shocked.
SCOTT
(gasps)
Whoa! …This blue lady has the
same name as me!
Vicky groans out loud. Scott hears this, sees her and waves
to her, and then she buries her face in her hands.
SCOTT
HEY! NAME-BROS!!
CUT TO
INT. SPOOKY HIGH, VICKY’S LOCKER -DAY
Hunched over, Vicky laments her failed attempt at making
her intentions clear.
VICKY
I spent my college fund on that.
LIAM
Vicky, who are you?
VICKY
I’m… Vicky?
LIAM
No, you are NOBODY. Scott is
Somebody. I am Somebody. If I tell
Scott you are Somebody, he will
take my word for it. If you want to
be Somebody with Scott, do my
homework in Advanced Murderonomy.
Vicky grumpily considers and accepts this deal. She extends
her hand to shake his. Liam is hesitant to touch someone,
but follows through. He is (painfully) alerted to how much
stronger Vicky’s handshake is than he anticipated. He then
hands her his assignment sheets.
LIAM
Get me an A+ and I’ll put in a good
word to Scott about your penis.
VICKY
Uhhh, what if I don’t have one?
LIAM
Well that’s going to be the new
trend. If you don’t have one,
store-bought is fine.
VICKY
I am going to leave this
conversation now!
LIAM
You do that.
Vicky walks away, trying to focus on anything else besides
what she just experienced. She walks offscreen.
BEAT
Then she peeks back into the frame.
VICKY
…Do they really sell penises
somewhere?
LIAM
If they don’t, then capitalism has
failed us once again.
CUT TO
INT. SPOOKY HIGH STAIRWELL -DAY.
Brian and Vicky are in the stairwell on the second floor.
Vicky is preparing some runes on the wall.
BRIAN
So you’re drawing runes on a wall
to get to a magical store that’s
only on school grounds, in hopes of
getting something that will impress
a football guy.
VICKY
Yup! I asked Polly, and she texted
me instructions: it’s
magically-sealed, only these
complex markings can open the way.
BRIAN
And we can’t just go to a corner
store or a gas station?
VICKY
A corner store isn’t going to help.
And I can’t just rely on my usual
charm and great sweaters to catch
his eye. I need an Edge!
BRIAN
Like what?
VICKY
I don’t know. Maybe a love potion,
or a magic spell that gives me a
cool nickname.
BRIAN
Is it supposed to take this long?
VICKY
I have to get these runes right, or
the path won’t open. Or it’ll send
us to a dimension where our organs
explode, but I’m sure I’ve got
this. Probably.
BRIAN
Probably? Vicky, do you want to die
a second time? Because I don’t.
What if I get re-animated again as
a guy named "Todd”? Nobody wants to
be “Todd”!
She finishes drawing runes on the wall, and it folds in on
itself, into an opening that should not exist.
VICKY
YES! Alright, let’s go!
BRIAN
(groans)
Vicky and Brian enter the blinding light of the new
entryway. They emerge on the other side, and Vicky sees the
store.
VICKY
Look, there’s the secret, magical
bazaar the legends spoke of!
ZOOM OUT
On the grass in front of them is a cheap, rickety wooden
stall not unlike a lemonade stand. A cat girl is sitting
behind it on a stool while watching a video on her phone.
She is punk-as-fuck. Torn-off sleeveless denim jacket,
spikey collar and bracelets, hair died a bright pink shaved on
one side. I guess maybe that falls more under "emo".
VICKY
Excuse me, are you Valerie? “The
Shopkeeper”?
The cat-girl hears this without looking up from her phone.
VALERIE
Sure, I’ve got wares if you’ve got
coin.
VICKY
We’ve traveled through time, space
and unreality to seek those wares!
VALERIE
Why didn’t you just use the front
door?
EXT. SPOOKY HIGH ENTRANCE -DAY.
Vicky and Brian look around and see they are on the grass
next to the front doors of Spooky High. The “shop” stall is
only a few feet from the wall of the stairwell they started
in.
BRIAN
…Are you joking??
VICKY
No, but I think Polly was.
BRIAN
Cool, great waste of everyone’s
time.
Vicky heads over to the stall and slams her palms on the
counter top.
VICKY
Alright, look, I need something
that’ll get a football werewolf to
notice me. What do you have
that can do that?
VALERIE
I dunno.
BRIAN
You don’t know what you sell at
your own shop?
VALERIE
Ugh, just look for yourself.
Valerie pulls out a cardboard box which somehow contains
every single purchasable item in her “store” and puts it on
top of the counter of her stall.
POV
We see up from inside the box to Brian and Vicky observing
its’ contents. They are impressed and slightly terrified at
the variety on display to everyone except the audience.
VICKY
Oh wow, you DO sell penises.
BRIAN
…I’ve never seen one with THAT
colour before.
VICKY
Why do you have them?
CUT TO
Valerie still not looking directly at her customers.
VALERIE
Why does someone hold onto an old
comic book? Might be worth
something to a collector.
Amira the sexy fire-djinn shows up. Her hair-fire
burning bright.
AMIRA
Hey dork-asses!
VICKY
Amira! You recovered from your
hospital stay that fast?
AMIRA
Nah, they just got sick of me.
Apparently I’m “difficult” and
"keep setting hospital staff on
fire whenever I sneeze" and “use
finger quotes too much”.
VICKY
Well…
AMIRA
Well WHAT?
VICKY
You don’t exactly have the best
people skills.
AMIRA
The hell are you talking about?
People like me.
BRIAN
Ehhh.
VALERIE
UGH, are you gonna buy something or
what?
AMIRA
I dunno. What'cha got?
Amira peeks into the box.
AMIRA
Hey, that’s Greg’s dick!
VICKY
I don’t care whose dick it is, as
long as it’ll help me get on
Scott’s radar. I’ll try almost
anything at this rate.
AMIRA
Did you try bees?
BRIAN
Scott likes sports. Why not do
something athletic?
VICKY
Because I suck at those!
AMIRA
Then git gud! And I’m talking when
it’s spelled G-I-T, G-U-D.
VICKY
If I could do it on my own, I
wouldn’t need help! And now I’m so
desperate I’m scrounging around a
box of dicks and trash for anything
that’ll help.
VALERIE
One man’s junk is another man’s
treasure.
Vicky pulls out a pair of glasses from the box.
VICKY
Well… He seems like he likes fun
stuff, maybe these funny glasses
will help me stand out? Polly wears
sunglasses, and she's cool.
VALERIE
Ten bucks. Since you’re a
first-time customer, I’ll throw in
something special.
BRIAN
Vicky, this isn’t gonna work.
VICKY
Well, “In for a penny…”
VALERIE
A thousand pennies. But if you pay
in pennies I’ll break your legs.
Vicky buys the fun sunglasses. Funglasses.
VALERIE
Alright, and here’s your
complimentary gift!
Valerie then dumps a corpse onto the stall.
VICKY
Eugh! Why do you have that?!
VALERIE
It’s my way of saying I appreciate
your business, and I am in no way
disposing of a dead body, no
refunds.
AMIRA
Oh, that’ll help you stand out!
You’ll definitely catch Scott’s
attention with that.
VICKY
Yeah, and several diseases!
BRIAN
As an Undead-American, this offends
me.
Amira then slings the corpse over her shoulder.
AMIRA
Whatever weenies, I’ll take it.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL
ACT 1 END
==========
ACT 2
CUT TO
INT. SPOOKY HIGH CAFETERIA -NOON
Amira is sitting with the corpse at one of the cafeteria
tables. She jokingly makes small talk with it, but soon
begins to earnestly talk with it.
AMIRA
…So uh… You come here often?
Hah. Hmmm.
CUT TO
The corpse just sitting there, barely propped up in the
chair next to Amira.
AMIRA
…Well, at least you don’t tell me
I have trouble bonding with people.
Like I can help it if people can’t
handle all this. But whatever, I
don’t need companionship or trust
or… friends.
BEAT
AMIRA
It’s kind of nice not being told
I’m rude and wrong. This ain’t so
bad.
The corpse is still just sitting there because it is a dead
body and will not move of its’ own volition.
AMIRA
You’re a good listener.
ZOOM OUT
Liam and Polly are watching Amira talk to a dead guy. Polly
is trying to stifle a laugh.
LIAM
How long is she going to keep
talking to that corpse?
POLLY
I don’t know! I told you they’d be
funny!
LIAM
It is more pathetic than I thought
it would be. I am going to win this
wager of ours for certain.
POLLY
Wager?
LIAM
Did you forget our arrangement?
POLLY
Maybe. Did I bet Scott that he
could eat an entire basement?
LIAM
Yes, but before that. The other
night.
POLLY
OH RIGHT! Gettin’ those sweet
widdle babies some action on prom
night!
LIAM
Please don’t word it like that. And
they don’t stand a chance. YOU
don’t stand a chance if you think
you can help their love-lives.
POLLY
…Wait, I was supposed to be
helping them?
LIAM
It doesn’t matter. When prom night
comes, they’ll be alone and that
means I win!
POLLY
Oh… Because I was just doing
whatever I thought was funny. Shit,
what was at stake?
LIAM
If you win, I have to listen to an
entire Nickelback album.
POLLY
And what if I win?
LIAM
…No, I just said that’s if YOU
win. Why would that be MY victory
condition?
POLLY
You’re into liking stuff
ironically. Maybe you hate it so
much it comes around back to liking
it.
LIAM
No, if I win, you have to watch the
short film I submitted to Sundance.
It is 47 hours long, and it’s
written entirely in Esperanto.
POLLY
You son of a bitch.
CUT TO
Amira's table. Damien passes by, stops, then heads back to
look at her, then the corpse, then her.
AMIRA
You got a problem, Red?
Damien gets frustrated and leaves, grumbling. Amira returns
to talking to the dead guy seated near her.
AMIRA
What was that about? Fuckin’
weirdos, am I right? I don’t know
why Vicky makes it sound like
getting to know someone is so hard,
this is easy!
The corpse still just fucking sits there being dead, because
what else would it do.
AMIRA
…You free tonight? Sit there and
keep decomposing if you mean “Yes”.
CUT TO
INT. SPOOKY HIGH GYMNASIUM -AFTERNOON
Scott Howl is dribbling the ball and then slam dunks the
ball into the net in a sequence that is an impressive
display of sporting. He sports so good, you guys. The
scoreboard emits a loud noise indicating a point has been
scored and a large 0 changes to a 1.
A wide, middle-aged tiger man holding a clipboard
and wearing a whistle around his neck commends Scott.
COACH
That was an impressive display of
basketball, Scott! Unfortunately
we’re playing dodgeball.
ZOOM OUT
Two groups of students split across the gymnasium,
watching him as he hangs from the basketball net by
his hands.
SCOTT
Uhh, Coach? I think I’m stuck.
ANGLE ON
Coach.
COACH
Alright, just relax, breathe and
visualize how you’re going to-
The sound of metal and glass crashing and Scott falling on
his ass.
SCOTT(V.O.)
Never mind!
COACH
Alright! Dodgeball! Invented by
Placido Dodgebalmingo in 1985,
according to the website I looked
at five minutes before class
started.
VICKY
What was the website called?
COACH
Fake dodgeball facts dot com!
BRIAN
Sounds legit.
COACH
Standard rules: throw the ball at
the opposing team, if you get hit
you sit the rest of the match out!
If you catch it, the ball is yours
to throw again! No kicking, no
biting, no vulcan cannons, no
soliciting, no eye lasers-
ANGLE ON
Vicky, Oz and Brian in their gym uniforms(white t-shirt,
red shorts) standing next to several background characters.
They are also in their uniforms. Vicky's funglasses are
resting on her forehead.
VICKY
Huddle up!
The three named characters do.
OZ
(whispers)
What’s up?
VICKY
(whispers)
This is it: This is how I can
impress Scott! He likes sports,
dodgeball is sport-ish. I’ll just
be really good at dodgeball today
and he’ll smitten with me!
BRIAN
(whispers)
Damien's on their side.
VICKY
(whispers)
So?
BRIAN
(whispers)
So we are going to lose.
ANGLE ON
Damien LeVay, the crimson-skinned demon prince.
He looks a bit less intimidating in the gym uniform.
But in a display of dodgeball supremacy, he is
continually punching a dodgeball at wall, and then
back to the wall when it bounces off of his fists.
He does this with such increasing ferocity, it's
reminiscent of when a boxer quickly punches
a "Speed Bag", faster and faster.
Then he starts headbutting the ball. The wall
it keeps hitting starts to crack from the damage
it sustains.
ANGLE ON
Vicky, Oz and Brian.
VICKY
Is that how he broke one of
his horns?
OZ
(whispers)
I don't like our chances against THAT.
But, I’m pretty lean, so I can avoid
projectiles pretty good.
VICKY
(whispers)
That’s… that’s alright Oz, I can
just hide behind Brian!
BRIAN
(whispers)
And when I get eliminated, then I
can stop participating. Solid plan!
VICKY
(whispers)
And Amira can- Hey, where is she?
CUT TO
Amira going on “dates” with the corpse to cheery
romantic-comedy date montage music.
MONTAGE
A- Amira opening her door to see the corpse tied up to look
like he is asking Amira out on a date, complete with a
bouquet of flowers taped to his hand.
B- Amira and the corpse in a swan boat on a lake.
C- Amira at a dance club shaking what her momma gave her
while the well-dressed corpse is just lying on the dance
floor, dead as fuck.
D- Amira sharing a malt with two straws in a diner, but only
Amira is drinking out of it because she’s alive to do so.
E- Amira with her back to the camera barfing into a toilet,
because of the bacteria she ingested in the malt because it
was attached to a dead guy.
AMIRA
Okay, maybe separate drinks next
time.
CUT TO
INT. SPOOKY HIGH GYMNASIUM -AFTERNOON
Vicky, Oz and Brian back at the huddle.
VICKY
(whispers)
Alright, let’s do this!
ANGLE ON
Coach still listing the rules of Dodgeball.
COACH
…no horse-play, no rough-housing,
no horse-roughing, no
house-horsing, no shoes, no shirt,
no service. Alright, play ball!!
Coach blows into the whistle, and each team takes their
positions. There are many students, but most of them are not
named characters or important. Vicky lowers the funglasses
down over her eyes.
VICKY
Alright everyone, let’s show these-
All of the unnamed background characters are immediately
eliminated from the game from a barrage of off-screen
dodgeballs.
VICKY
…Alright everyone, good hustle.
Damien rotates his arm in the way a baseball pitcher would.
Vera is also on the other team but she is less interested in
the events.
VICKY
Ahh! Brian, shield me!
Thirteen dodgeballs bounce off of him with no visible damage
to his person. And then one more bounces off of his head,
for good measure.
BRIAN
Mission Accomplished.
Brian walks over to the bleachers.
VICKY
Aww, poop!
OZ
It’s okay, Vicky, we’ve got this!
They barely dodge several more balls. To Vicky's surprise,
Oz is good enough at it that he almost seems made out
of a liquid substance.
DAMIEN
Come on, sit still already!
VERA
Damien, would you hurry this up and
just put them out of their misery?
DAMIEN
I’m trying! Quick, freeze the hot
one!
CLOSE UP
Vera's eyes focus, her irises thin, and her eyes widen and
begin to GLOW!
ANGLE ON
Vicky is now stuck in an awkward pose, as she struggles to
move or breathe. She can't even blink. She can barely choke
out a few words. Her fingertips start to turn to stone.
VICKY
(struggling)
OH NO. C-can’t-
PAN LEFT
Oz is still masterfully avoiding the spheres being thrown at
him, hence the name of the game.
ANGLE ON
Damien berating Vera.
DAMIEN
Not HER!!
VERA
You said “The Hot One”, I don’t
know who that means!
DAMIEN
I’m talking about the petite femboy
with the eyes you could get lost
in!! Keep up, Vera!
Vicky is released from her frozen state. She is cowering to
avoid the balls.
POV
One of Damien's balls heading towards Oz. Not the first timethat's happened in a fan-fic.
One of OZ’s phobias pops up on his shoulder and CATCHES
the dodgeball! But it stretches all the way back to the far wall.
Then it slingshots and the ball its’ holding onto with its’ teeny
little arms gets fired across to the other team!
ANGLE ON
Bird’s eye view of the ball hitting most of the other
players like a pinball bouncing around, including the sound
effects associated with a pinball machine. Only Damien,
Scott and Vera remain.
VICKY
Whoa, Oz, you’re really good at
this!
OZ
Oh dang, sorry, didn’t mean to
upstage you in front of Scott, I
can dial it back a bit if-
VICKY
OZ IT’S OKAY, JUST STAY IN THE
GAME!!
A flaming dodgeball passes by Vicky’s head.
VICKY
AHH!!
Coach blows his whistle.
COACH
Damien! You know the rules! Flaming
dodgeballs are only allowed on your
birthday! Vicky, you get a free
shot.
With the cadence and outrage of "God DAMN it!" or
"Son of a BITCH!", Damien says the following:
DAMIEN
FART-SHIT!
ANGLE ON
Vicky, given a dodgeball and a free shot at the other
team. She assumes some kind of intense pre-dodgeball-
throwing position, and we hear her inner monologue.
VICKY(V.O.)
(thinking)
This is it! This is your chance to
prove yourself in front of that big
cuddly, athletic, dreamy-
A buzzer sound interrupts Vicky’s thoughts.
COACH
Penalty for drooling! The other
team also gets a free shot!
VICKY
Ding-darn it.
Scott, still partially wearing the remains
of the basketball net and adjoining glass thing,
volunteers.
SCOTT
Ooh! Lemme handle this one! It’ll
be Scott vs. Scott!
VICKY
My name is V-
COACH
Alright, on the count of three!
ONE!
The left side of the screen shows a profile of
Vicky.
COACH
TWO!!
The right side of the screen now shows a profile
of Scott.
COACH
THREE!!!
SCOTT
NAME-BROS.!!
Vicky holds up the ball in both hands, closes her eyes, lets
out a pterodactyl screech for good luck and then she and
Scott take their free throws.
ANGLE ON
A slow-motion shot of the two balls colliding against each other in
mid-air! The frame-rate returns to normal as they bounce off of
each other. They are each sent back at Vicky and Scott.
They both get hit by their own dodgeballs, and are eliminated
from the game. Vicky’s funglasses are destroyed beyond
recognition. Vicky moans while she’s still on the ground,
her arm covering her eyes.
VICKY
(groaning)
OZ
Uh… Don’t worry, Vicky, I can
stay in this as long as I need to!
ZOOM OUT
Damien in the foreground SLAMS a dodgeball so hard into the
floor that it goes through the earth beneath them. It then
emerges from underneath Oz, sending him rocketing into the
ceiling. The ball then drops back down and bounces a few times,
and then Oz plummets.
DAMIEN
YEAH!! In your sexy face!!
Coach whistles one more time, and then walks over to
Vera and Damien.
COACH
That’s it! The winners are: the
team of the richer and more popular
kids I put up against the
underprivileged students!
BEAT
COACH
…Oh. Oh dear. I just fed the
system of societal imbalance again…
Coach then blows his whistle again, but this time quietly
and sadly.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL
ACT 2 END
==========
ACT 3
EXT. GAS STATION -EVENING
Brian, Oz and Vicky are hanging out outside of a gas station
after school. Late afternoon, an hour or two left until dusk.
The nearby woods are behind it. Why would they hang
out here? I just like the aesthetic of it. It actually would be
inconvenient to go out of their way to hang out there, but
I'm not gonna let a bad idea stop me now!
Vicky emerges from the gas station with an energy
drink.
VICKY
How are you feeling, Oz?
OZ
Bone-hurtey, but other than that
I’m alright.
BRIAN
Sorry we couldn’t help you impress
Scott.
VICKY
Forget about that! I’m sorry to you
guys! I keep getting you guys hurt
because of this stupid obsession of
mine.
BRIAN
Ah, don’t worry: I didn’t get hurt.
Oz coughs into his hand.
OZ
Oh, that’s a tooth, oh no-!
VICKY
Well I’m done. Nothing I do is
going to get his attention and the
more we try, the more likely I’ll
get someone killed.
Scott, Vera, Damien and Polly pull up to the gas station in
a very expensive, interesting-looking vehicle. Scott and
Polly emerge to purchase stuff from the store and encounter
the nerds.
POLLY
Hey, bitches! Scott, these are the
ones I was telling you about!
SCOTT
Ooh! Blue Scott! Up top!
Scott raises his hand up for a high-five, to a blushing
Vicky. He towers over her in such a way that she would
need to leap up to reach his palm with hers.
Scott notices this, and adjusts his hand to be closer
to the ground.
POLLY
Oh, Scott, that’s “Vicky”!
SCOTT
Oh. Sorry, Vicky.
VICKY
(stammering)
Uhhhh buuuh duuuh-
POLLY
Come on, don’t leave him hangin’!
Brian and Oz each give her a thumbs-up. She takes a breath
and then does a light hop to reach Scott’s hand to return a
high-five.
SCOTT
That was a neat sports-trick today!
We should hang out sometime, we can
share tips and training regular
mints!
Vicky loses control of the volume of her voice.
VICKY
SOUNDS GREAT!!
SCOTT
YEAH!!
VICKY
YES!!!
SCOOT
WOO!!!
POLLY
LOUD NOISES!!
Polly blows on on air horn.
SCOTT
Alright, I’m gonna pay for the gas
and then get some gas station
sushi!
POLLY
I’m gonna get some gas station
meth!
OZ
I’m gonna try to get my arm back
into its’ socket.
Brian assists him. A painful popping sound occurs in Oz’s
body as he adjusts his arm.
OZ
OOH mama that hurts! Thank you.
CUT TO
Damien and Vera in the car. They're out of their gym
uniforms.
Vera is wearing an indigo women's jacket over a black
thigh-length dress and a thick "V"-shaped gold necklace.
Damien typically wears a faded pale orange
jacket with an attached dark grey "hood". Like a hoodie,
but it's been frankenstein'd into an unrelated jacket.
I don't know to describe fashion.
DAMIEN
Alright, I’ll go fill this bitch
up.
VERA
NO! I’ll do it! You can’t be
trusted around flammable liquids
anymore!
DAMIEN
Geez, sorry MOM!
Vera steps out of the vehicle to pump gas herself. While she
is waiting, she looks over to the nerds, over to Oz. Then
back to the pump.
VERA
Pfft. “The Hot One”.
She glances back, and Oz happens to look in her direction
briefly. She quickly looks away.
CUT TO
Amira showing up to the group of protagonists.
VICKY
Amira! Where were you today??
AMIRA
Spending some quality time with
"Eduardo" here.
BRIAN
You were spending quality time with
a corpse.
AMIRA
YOU’RE a corpse!
BRIAN
(like the meme)
You got me there!
VICKY
Why not hang out with living
people?
SLOW ZOOM
Amira explains why she kept hanging out with a dead body.
Sappy music plays but eventually cuts off as Amira realizes
why the situation is so embarrassing.
AMIRA
Because the living are
disappointing! This guy doesn’t
judge me, we don’t have fights, he
doesn’t like stupid things I hate,
and at least he has a reason for
smelling awful oh God, I’m
pathetic!
BRIAN
There it is.
AMIRA
What was I THINKING?! Why did I
think this would help me connect
with people? What kind of depraved
loser wants a cadaver?
Damien approaches from offscreen.
DAMIEN
Hey scrub! I want that dead guy.
BRIAN
Geez, at least take me out to
dinner first.
DAMIEN
Not you! Fire lady, name a price!
VICKY
You wanna pay her for a dead body?
Why?
DAMIEN
I collect them. Is that really such
a crime?
OZ
UHHH-
AMIRA
Oz shut up! You really want this guy
here? Alright. On one condition.
DAMIEN
Name it!
AMIRA
Take me to prom.
DAMIEN
Hell no! I’m not going to prom with
someone I fight-fucked once!
AMIRA
Then no deal.
Damien looks away and growls in frustration.
DAMIEN
ALRIGHT… one date. Then we’ll see
where it goes from there.
AMIRA
Nightclub. Then show me your corpse
collection. 8:00 PM, Saturday.
DAMIEN
Fine! Deal.
CUT TO
Damien and Amira shake hands, and a blue fire erupts from
their handshake. We see the nerds behind the shaking hands
and fire.
VICKY
Whoa!
AMIRA
I’m “Amira”, and this here’s “Eduardo”.
Damien takes Eduardo and heads back to the car.
CUT TO
Scott and Polly emerging from the store.
POLLY
Later, sluts!
SCOTT
Bye guys!
The nerds wave goodbye.
CUT TO
The now crowded vehicle.
DAMIEN
Come on, scooch over!
VERA
(angrily sarcastic)
Sure, put a festering cadaver in
the car! Fantastic, Damien!
SCOTT
Hey uh, you gonna eat that?
The gang drive away.
CUT TO
The dorks talking again.
VICKY
Wow, you got a date with one of the
cool kids!
BRIAN
I guess Eduardo WAS good practice.
OZ
Vicky made some progress too.
AMIRA
Oh, finally got some of that
werewolf D?
VICKY
Amira, please!
OZ
He talked to her. Even used her
actual name.
AMIRA
Hmm… Baby steps.
Amira offers to fist-bump Vicky. Vicky accepts.
CUT TO
INT. LIAM’S ABODE -NIGHT
Liam is talking to Polly on his phone.
LIAM
Damien collects DEAD BODIES???
ZOOM
Dramatic music sting over Liam’s stunned face.
ZOOM OUT
LIAM
Damn, now I want one. And I was
CERTAIN dicks would be the next big
thing!
POLLY(V.O.)
Some dead bodies have dicks.
LIAM
…Huh. True. Two birds with one
stone I guess.
POLLY(V.O.)
Yeah, and they’re stiff.
Liam knows exactly where this is leading. He
does not look happy about it.
POLLY(V.O.)
Because rigor-mortis?
LIAM
I get it, Polly!
BEAT
POLLY(V.O.)
(singing)
I’m talkin’ ‘bout: BOOOONERS-!
Liam hangs up.
ACT 3 END
CREDITS
The song "Fifteen Minutes" by Mike Krol plays over the credits.
("Monster Prom" belongs to Beautiful Glitch)
==========
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