SWTOR: "The Gay Planet"

So let me get this straight:

An MMO in 2013 decided that all gayness must be quarantined to one specific location, and you have to pay extra to access it?


To anyone who has bought or is continuing to play/pay for "Star Wars: The Old Republic:"

STOP THAT.
CUT THAT SHIT OUT.

And to EA and Bioware: You suck more dicks than anyone on "Makeb".

END OF LINE

~A.H.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Review

by Alex Hill

I can hardly believe it's been more than a decade since I first heard of the Lord of the Rings films, saw them and was so strongly shaped by them. I have no doubt that Guillermo del Toro's version of "The Hobbit" would have been a sight unlike any other. But to have another trilogy in Middle-Earth by Peter Jackson and Weta Workshop is an unexpected comfort. Like slipping into an old coat that still fits.


▼

Character Showcase: Osaka

Originally posted May 23, 2009, lightly edited since.

Hey, you know what this blog needs?

MOAR OSAKA

She's Number Five! She's Number Five!

▼

The Walking Dead: Episode 5

Geez, could one thing this year NOT have a disappointing, nonsensical ending?

SPOILERS BELOW:

▼

Alpha Colony

We hear a lot about the wildly successful kickstarters, some of which are for video games. It's enough to forget that some projects don't squeak by.

"Alpha Colony" is a game that failed to reach its' Kickstarter goal... by less than thirty dollars.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

An Open Letter To Doritos

My name is Alex Hill. I live in Canada, and I am here to tell you what a pain in the ass it was to try and contact anyone even vaguely involved in the production of Doritos. I've spent the last hour trying to solve a completely unrelated problem with the Doritos Halo 4 Double XP promotion. That was my intent before the gauntlet. Now I am sitting here hoping your corporate headquarters gets struck by lightning and burns down.

I have been met with nothing but incompetence and frustration with the sorry excuse for customer service this brand employs. Your websites are a Kafkaesque labyrinth of despair and idiocy. Dead ends and non-existent e-mail contacts that I could only find through Google detective work. Nothing on any official web-page regarding this brand revealed information anyone could ever need to take part in this brand's cross-promotion, or even how to contact customer support. Many of these pages assume you are an American citizen and won't allow contact unless you have a U.S. Address.

At first I was just kind of upset that I'd been cheated out of some points in a fantasy video game. Now I'm actually hoping someone at Doritos gets set on fire. That is how badly Frito Lay, Pepsi-Co and everyone else whose fingers are in that pie are at having an internet presence in the 21st century. I don't know what sub-humans are employed in the creation of this product, or its' promotions, but they need to be on fire.

No really. Fire. Screaming painful agony. Maybe it's not a fair thing to wish upon another person, but it would go a long way to making up for the bullshit I just went through.

Eat 10,000 dicks.

-Alex Hill

Hitman Absolution: MCV

How to stay classy: Tell people to "suck a choad" on your company's official Twitter profile when they politely point out that you're ignoring negative reviews of your shitty product.

END OF LINE

~A.H.