What Have I Done

I have The Hobbit on the brain. Listening to the soundtrack right now while I draw. Even played some Skyrim just to get a watered-down medieval epic kind of feeling. Maybe not the most conventional mindset to be in when making a black and white comic about black and white toons, but eh.


I first heard the Misty Mountains Cold song linked by someone's Tumblr. When I first heard that song, she was a treasured ally. It's weird to think that I'll never hear that song and be her friend again. Hell, this month I had to cut someone out of my life IRL. Someone I'd known since the 10th grade.


I wonder who changed. I doubt I got better, because I feel worse than ever. But every time I talked to him, without even trying, all he did was make me feel like the biggest piece of shit. Like all of the world's problems were my fault. Because I cared about stuff. I really don't even think he consciously noticed. My personal and mental health has to come first, but it's still hard to believe that he won't be a part of my life anymore. It's not a decision I made lightly, and I'm sure as hell going to miss him. I just don't think he's the same person as the man I befriended.


What an awful thing, for people to stop caring for each other. When someone's mere presence is too sharp to hold onto, and when they can't soften those edges. Even if they want to. I had to have been that person to a lot of people.


On December 1st, I'm going to get back into contact with someone of immeasurable importance to me. I don't know if it will be face-to-face or through writing. Some things need to be said. I don't know what I'm going to say. It might be the last thing I ever say to her. Too many people have unceremoniously left my life. I couldn't be there for her when it counted, but the least I can do to honour our friendship is give it a proper end. We both deserve "Goodbye".

Skyrim: "Don't Tread On Me"

Because drawing isn't working for me right now, and I have a lot of free time, I've been grinding in Skyrim. A meaningless goal I have is to reach level 100 before I tackle the end-game content of the main questline, and to pick up a few odd achievements here and there(I'm playing on the Xbox version, which unfortunately means longer load times and no mods).

Right now, my biggest conundrum is whether to side with the Imperials or the Stormcloaks. I'm playing a character who swore revenge on the empire for trying to execute him... but I'm hearing that picking the Stormcloaks is actually worse in the long-run for everyone but the native Nords.

I've already killed the Dark Brotherhood for sending assassins to kill me. I've established my character does not forgive nor forget attempts on his life, no matter the cost... So do I swallow my pride and side with the Imperials for the greater good, or do I ruin Skyrim for a lot of the races in Tamriel just for revenge?


▼

The Fun Never Stops

And now, here is all of the stuff that's pissing me off lately:

▼

WE NEED MOAR DRAGONS

I think my biggest problem looking at and hearing about Skyrim also applies to a lot of other games. Not the fact that I'm bored of glitchy, mile-wide, inch-deep sandbox games with no real end-goal, no interesting characters, and the same handful of enemies and environments. No.

It's the dragons.

Anyone hyping up their game(or movie, or book) with dragons is a developer that has no ideas. Dragons, as an obstacle in a fantasy game are what happen when you are bankrupt of imagination. Not even cool-looking robot-dragons or something, like the PSO series does now and then. Not even fat dragons or anything that plays on the old formula, but the same generic, black, thin, spiky, long-necked cliché we've been fighting since time immemorial.

Dragons aren't cool anymore.

▼

Skyrimjob

I wish I could be as excited about Skyrim as everyone else. I really liked Oblivion for a time. But after going through the same caves and the same dungeons and meeting no people or characters I could forge bonds with, and doing nothing except make the little numbers go up, I realized just how shallow the game is. Is that all there is? Just doing this over and over just to get better armour that I can't even show off like in an online game? At that point, I hadn't even completed the main story, or even a third of the quests. But I was done with Oblivion.

A mile wide and an inch deep. I don't regret the time I spent with it, all 100 or so hours. But I look at other games like it(Fallout 3 and New Vegas), and I feel myself reaching that brick wall sooner and sooner. Sandbox games and me are seeing each other on less friendly terms lately. I like shorter, more focused games I can return to over and over, that I have an emotional attachment to. How often can I shoot ants in New Vegas and have it actually be exciting?

I will say that I loved the Oblivion Gates in Elder Scrolls IV. I loved just exploring a piece of land not on any map, and seeing that tell-tale red glow. I love never knowing what I'll find in there, what dangers will meet me. Every Oblivion gate felt like a long and difficult expedition that I had to be prepared for on a moment's whim. And every time I closed one, I felt like I had made the world a little safer and a little bit better.

Does Skyrim have that? Is it somewhere between the cooking mini-game? I'm sure it'll be loads of fun for those who are into it. All the more power to ya. And maybe I'm just dead inside, but I'm just not excited.

I'll keep an ear out for Jeremy Soule's soundtrack though. Although he's got quite a tough act to follow.

END OF LINE

~A.H.