Feb 06, 2017

This morning I woke up full of affection and a need to shower love on... something. Anything, really.

Then I dropped hard. Now I can't sleep because I'm so uncertain about who I am or where I should be or where I can go, or what I should do, or even what I WANT to do.

I never thought I'd have an identity crisis. I don't like it. I REALLY don't like being lost. I hate being without answers and knowing no one can help me, and I can't help me.

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The Last Guardian plays like a Fumito Ueda game. You do have to fight the controls and the camera quite a bit. But his games aren't meant to be loose, smooth, fast-paced arcadey experiences. I'd say they're much more focused on mood and setting than being "fun". In that sense, it's kind of the opposite of an action game, where the gameplay is the primary focus and the story is an afterthought.

And oh my fucking God, Trico is so precious I can't stand it. I'll bet the years and years it took for this game to be developed were spent just figuring out how animals behave and trying to make that work in a fictional creature's animations. I think I have a stronger stomach for animals in media portrayed in danger, but even when this thing is mildly sad or whatever it hurts my heart. I don't think I could recommend this game to someone who loves animals.

I don't know what happens past the first couple of hours, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a Tragic Circumstance later. There was a part like that in Shadow of the Colossus, Ueda's previous game... But then again, they did go back on that during the credits, so... *shrug*.

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I've heard a good way to make money as an artist is to learn how to draw anthropomorphic characters. Apparently furries are rolling in the fat stacks of cash.

I tried doing some sketches, and it didn't feel right to me. I don't know if it's because I'm not good enough at it yet, or if I just don't want the association of being a "furry artist" or whatever.

I admit that is a prejudice on my part. I've known people who despise furries, and I think that's silly, but I do feel some apprehension about drawing this stuff. But if I learn how, I might be able to make some money which I can put towards good causes as well as selfish bullshit. So maybe I should just suck it up and learn to draw?


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~A.H.