Digimon Xros Wars: "Hunters"

Man, that new Digimon season is fucking awful. But at least it's contained. Like an epidemic. It hasn't been localized. When I think of more successful rebirths in television, like Dr. Who, it makes me sad to see the people behind this franchise aiming so low. But at least they're sticking to ruining their own characters. Like when Marge baked a separate cake on Maggie's birthday for Homer to ruin.

Fortunately they haven't done anything stupid like, in a desperate attempt to win respect from fans tired of Namco/Bandai's bullshit, parade out older characters we actually did like. It has to be obvious to them by now that nobody has genuinely liked the cast for this show since about 2001. By now they're just relying on the same tired spikey-haired leader, token female and mysterious tall loner bishi trifecta every other anime goes with.

And even though the show has always been a toy commercial, lately it's a lot more transparent about it. Hollow, even, seemingly assembled piecemeal out of the carcasses of a dozen anime programs. Not to tell a story, not to be educational or endearing, but just to hawk some products on people in the most obnoxious and undermining way possible.

But at least the "Classic" characters have been spared this fate, right?

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Surely they wouldn't drag down all of the few happy memories left to be associated with this franchise, by flushing them down the toilet with the rest of these turds. Or even go so far as to pair up characters who don't even make sense being in the same room, because they don't exist in the same universe. Especially considering the latest season is about time-travel, and that's not how time-travel works. You don't get to go back in time and meet Mickey Mouse.

But it's a good thing it hasn't come to that. Because that would just be avoiding the problem with the actual cast of this season, which are apparently so worthless that we need to be distracted. Oh hey, look, the old guys are back for some reason! Remember when this show didn't suck? Please buy the toys and cards.

Especially if they got so cameo-crazy about it that they start bringing in characters from older seasons that everyone hated. It would essentially be saying:

"We give up. We are so bad at designing characters the kids can relate to, so bad at presenting the illusion that we aren't hand-puppets for a soulless corporation that even THE CRAPPY CHARACTERS from the past are better than what we can offer!"

Thank goodness we live in this universe where that never happened. In fact, if they DID do something that reckless, lazy and condescending, I might have been compelled to ask the creators of this show a few questions. Something along the lines of:

But I feel bad for the alternate reality where all of that is true. Can you imagine? If I lived in those circumstances, I'd have to suggest we start bombing Japan again.

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~A.H.