Writing

I have this book I'm trying to write. I don't know why I'm not writing it, I don't know why I haven't touched it. I have no discipline, that's what it is. I need someone to slap me in the face if I stop writing for longer than twelve seconds.

And as soul-scarring as it is to think "What if I'm a bad writer?", or "What if this isn't very good at all?"... the real question that terrifies me, the question that's just paralyzing and keeps me from getting any work done is:

"What if it's good?"

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What if it works? What if, after extensive research and editing I find out I was capable of writing something truly important and lasting? What if I write something that will be so good it ruins your life? The kind of book that just tears your heart to ribbons, that ten, twenty, fifty years from now will still amaze you at how perfectly it was written, how all of the characters were consistent and believable and loveable, and how their actions and consequences still hold real meaning to them?


Okay... then what? Do I submit it to a publisher? So it can be rejected? What if it gets picked up, and edited to hell by someone with a bad opinion on literature? What if I get screwed over contracts and licenses and stuff? What if Hollywood picks up the rights to adapt it, and they make a hollow, bloated, stinking, World War Z turd out of it to sell shitty toys and iPhone app games of the characters farting?

What if what's there is gold, and everyone would just rather have shit? I think common people, like your average audience is intimidated by something they think is smarter than them. It's true! Why do you think hecklers exist? Nobody heckles a comedian because they suck, they heckle a comedian because they grew up entitled to attention, and now the audience is looking at some slob instead. How dare they! Why isn't everyone looking at ME? I should put MYSELF into this show because I'M the MAIN CHARACTER of MY LIFE!


What if it gets popular, but everyone misses the fucking point? What if some wackaloon kills a bunch of sorority girls and then claims my book made him do it? Theodore Geissel wrote a book condemning the American occupation of Japan, and people are still stupid enough to think he was talking about abortions.


And lastly... how come I was able to write all of this, but I can't get back into a story I WANT to write?

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~A.H.